My first STD was from a foam party
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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