You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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