Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
