I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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