Fuck appropriateness.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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