You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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