so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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