does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
