I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
