My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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