Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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