Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
