I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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