i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
