The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they're like a gay fantastic four
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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