My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
