taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
