Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
