A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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