3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
