words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
