wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
