The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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