Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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