I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
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his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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