Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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