so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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