I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
