so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
