Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
