brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
