Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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