Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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