i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
