your thong is hanging out like whoa
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
