the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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