he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
