i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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