My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
