True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
