Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
