Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
