Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
