It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
