i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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