why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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