great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
