Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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