i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
