He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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