I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
