i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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