Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
