i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
