Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
