The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
God, I missed his penis.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
