I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Farmville is her only friend.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
