onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
