Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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