you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am mentally ready for anal.
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