Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So much rum. So many feels.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
