I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
