he shaved USA in his pubs
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
