He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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