I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
