No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
