I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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