if i can run in heels then i can drive
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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