does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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