He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
