I wish I could teleport
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
