Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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