The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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