i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
